Life Before Life
by molly2012
Summary: Sequel to 'In Unexpected Places'. One month into their relationship, Serena begins to discover the past that Hanssen has been so carefully concealing.
1. Chapter 1

_Thank you to everyone who was so enthusiastic about this sequel! It's a bit more serious than 'In Unexpected Places', but hopefully you'll enjoy it as much! It's probably not strictly necessary to have read that one first, but I would recommend it..._

_Let me know what you think x_

* * *

'You are joking'.

Serena Campbell looked down at her shoes with a look of pure revulsion on her face.

'Sorry'.

The woman in bed five looked up sheepishly, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and Serena reached over to the table next to the bed for a kidney dish and a wad of tissues. She shoved them unceremoniously under the patient's nose before looking around for a nurse, thinking that she really should have been quicker off the mark. She had jumped back, but evidently not far – or fast – enough.

'Chantelle?'

Serena decided that having vomit splattered on the bottom of her trousers and shoes was as good an excuse as any to dispense with the formalities of 'Nurse Lane', and Chantelle, passing through the ward after speaking to another patient, made a detour as she saw what had happened.

'Could you see to Miss Holmes, please? I think she may need some more Domperidone. And a cleaner'.

She scowled at the woman who was now leaning back against the pillows, her eyes shut and the kidney dish clutched in her hands.

'Evidently her assertion that she was not feeling at all sick was a slight understatement'.

'Of course, Ms Campbell…but Mr Jarvis in bed three is complaining of serious abdominal pain. He had his scan earlier but the results aren't back yet. Could you maybe go and see him?'

Serena gestured impatiently to her shoes.

'Ric? Malick? Even Digby would do.'

Chantelle looked down at Serena's heels and trousers, and tried not to laugh.

'Oh dear. No problem, I'll see if Mr Malick can take a look. Do you need some scrubs?'

Serena was already at the foot of the bed, rubbing sanitiser on her hands.

'I have spare clothes in the office. If anyone asks, I am temporarily indisposed'.

She walked quickly back towards her office to fetch the change of clothes that she always kept there before heading to the locker area. Fortunately she didn't have very far to go. She hated to think of the teasing she would get if she bumped into Ric on the way back from his coffee break, or – God forbid – Michael Spence. Hurrying down the corridor and pushing open the door, she was relieved to find the small room was empty, and threw the bag of clothes down on the bench before gingerly slipping out of her shoes.

'Ugh', she muttered.

She contemplated the black suede pumps for a moment, wondering whether they were salvageable or whether to grit her teeth and bin them. They were fairly new, very uncomfortable and also very expensive. Serena supposed that she should have known better than to wear them for a day working on Keller, but still. She didn't get very far in her decision, however, before she heard the door to the locker room open behind her.

'Can you give me two….?'

She stopped as she turned round and caught sight of the tall figure standing by the door.

'Ms Campbell, I must have just missed you on Keller. Nurse Lane informed me that you were….indisposed. Temporarily'.

The corners of Henrik Hanssen's mouth were twitching, and Serena glared at him. Only he could have walked in at such an inopportune moment.

'I got thrown up on'.

'I can see that'.

'I was just about to get changed. So if you don't mind…..'

Hanssen did not leave, however, but stepped into the room and carefully closed the door behind him, smiling briefly at her indignant look.

'Nothing I haven't seen before, Ms Campbell'.

Serena stared at him for a moment before shaking her head and turning back to her shoes to hide the little smirk that had replaced the glare.

'True. In fact, if I remember rightly, the last time was just this morning'.

'Indeed'.

She could sense Hanssen nodding and imagined his poker face, the little twinkle in his eye the only indication that he had spent last night, like most nights this past month, with her, and had almost made himself late for work by staying in bed and watching her get dressed.

Serena removed a pair of trousers from the bag on the bench and quickly stripped off the ones she was wearing, making a face as she bundled them into a small plastic bag.

'Was there a reason you came looking for me?'

She gave Hanssen an enquiring look as she stepped into the clean trousers and rummaged in the bag for some shoes. Pulling out another pair of black heels, she dropped them on the floor and sat down to slip them on, but Hanssen remained silent.

She sighed and stood up, fixing him with a stare that meant she wasn't in the mood for any fun and games.

'Henrik?'

'I have something I need to discuss with you'.

He didn't meet her gaze, and she narrowed her eyes.

'OK. Well, you have a captive audience, since I still need to decide what to do with those shoes'.

He shook his head.

'I was going to ask if you would come to my office later, when you finish on Keller'.

Serena smirked, remembering all too well what had happened the last time he had asked her to go to his office. Judging by the expression on Hanssen's face, though, this meeting would be less enjoyable, and she wondered what precisely it was that he wanted to speak with her about.

'Yes, I'll stop by, but are you not going to give me a hint?'

When he didn't reply, she moved a couple of paces towards him and ran a hand up over his chest to his shoulder, leaning up to kiss him. The warmth that cascaded through her, the tingle on her skin where his hand touched her face, the intensity of his lips on hers…..all so familiar now, and yet she still found herself slightly breathless when he finally pulled away.

'I have to go'.

He did at least have the grace to sound reluctant, she thought, and frowned slightly as he turned to open the door.

'Oh, and Ms Campbell?'

He turned back to her before stepping out into the corridor, the ghost of a smile on his face.

'I think the only suitable place for those shoes now is the clinical waste bin'.

* * *

Serena paused outside Hanssen's office. She had finished on Keller later than she had anticipated, and it was now almost six. The ward – and the paperwork that seemed to multiply by itself – had kept her busy for most of the afternoon, but every so often a niggle at the back of her mind would remind her of the look on Hanssen's face as he had told her he needed to speak with her. The last time she had seen that look was when he had spent two days avoiding her after they had first slept together. At least, she thought, he didn't seem to be avoiding her this time, but it did not bode well for the conversation that they were about to have.

She still wasn't sure how she would describe the relationship that had developed between them over the past few weeks. Eleanor was probably right when she said that to call Hanssen Serena's boyfriend sounded somehow wrong – although she had also accused Serena of acting like a lovestruck teenager more than once, so perhaps the terminology was right after all.

Anyway, Serena supposed it didn't really matter. All she knew was that she didn't want to lose whatever it was they had unexpectedly found. Hanssen made her laugh. He had, on one occasion, made her cry. He made her feel things that she couldn't even define. She found it easy to talk to him, which was something she didn't think she had ever experienced before. And on those few days when they had not seen each other, she realised that she missed him.

She had to keep reminding herself that they had only been together for just over a month. It was hardly the right time frame for falling in love.

Serena took a deep breath as she knocked on his door, hoping against a rather thin hope that the problem would turn out to be work-related rather than personal. She could cope with budgetary disasters and NHS bureaucracy nightmares. She thought she could even deal with angry patients who wanted to sue. The slight twist in her gut, though, told her that it was unlikely to be any of those things, and the look on Hanssen's face as she entered the office confirmed that her gut, as usual, was right.

He was standing by the window, his expression troubled, and she realised that her knock had probably brought his mind back from somewhere he would rather not have gone in the first place. She walked over to stand beside him, looking out over the hospital grounds to the city beyond. His office certainly had a good view.

'You wanted to see me?'

Hanssen nodded.

'I apologise for asking you to come here. But I didn't think either the ward or the locker room were the right places'.

Serena put a hand lightly on his arm to stop him. Her gentle action belied the fact that her heart was beginning to hammer. She didn't want to hear this.

'If this is personal – which I assume it is – then would it not be better later? At home?'

Hanssen swallowed as he shook his head. Serena was getting really nervous. She didn't think she had ever seen him like this.

'I wanted to give you the opportunity to walk away, Serena. After you've heard what I have to say you may well want to. And you couldn't if I was in your house'.

'Henrik, you're scaring me'.

She deliberately made her voice light, but she meant every word. When he looked at her, his eyes were troubled.

'I had an email today.'

He paused, and for once Serena waited. Her natural impatience was battling with her desire to close her ears and run, and the two instincts clashing kept her rooted silently to the spot.

Hanssen gestured to his laptop, still open on his desk.

'I don't know how to explain this'.

'Then perhaps I should just read the email?'

Hanssen nodded, and Serena forced her feet to carry her around the other side of the desk. She clicked onto his email program, and skimmed through until she came to one that didn't look like it was about theatre schedules or hospital meetings. As she opened it, her brow furrowed and she looked up at Hanssen.

'It's in Swedish'.

He looked vaguely surprised, and she realized that whatever was in it had thrown him so off balance that he hadn't realised he had been reading his native language. After a moment, he closed his eyes and began to recite the contents of the email from memory as Serena followed the unfamiliar Swedish words on the screen.

_Henrik._

_I hope this finds you well, and that you have managed to put the events of last year behind you. However, I think I have learnt by now that you are who you are – which probably makes that last statement redundant. So I'll keep this short and sweet. _

_I am emailing you on Fredrik's behalf. He is due to graduate from medical school here in Stockholm in two weeks' time. He has done remarkably well on his course, but for the past eighteen months has been struggling with depression. Some days the medication helps, other days it doesn't. He doesn't talk very much to me at all. But he has mentioned you more and more often, saying how he would like to meet you._

_Please understand me, I do not for one minute think that his mental state is linked to you being absent. He has a father in Nils – he has said that himself. Perhaps becoming a doctor has made him think about his own biological roots. I don't know. But I have reached the stage where I don't know how else to help him other than to ask you to come back over and at least meet him. His graduation would be a good opportunity. _

_Please let me know._

_Maja. _

Serena slowly looked up. Hanssen had turned his back to her and was looking out of the window again so that she could not see his face.

'Henrik?'

Her voice came out as a hoarse, uncertain whisper, and he did not turn around.

'Henrik.'

Her voice was stronger this time, and he turned to face her, the anguish clear now on his face.

She stared at him for a moment, but found herself unable to utter anything except probably the most obvious question she could think of under the circumstances.

'You have a son?'

After what seemed like forever, he finally nodded.

'I have never met him. I left, and…..' He took a deep breath. 'I never imagined for one moment that he would want to meet me. Maja married, and Nils has been his father. Not me. I'm nothing to him'.

Serena blinked a couple of times, trying to take it in. Whatever she had expected, it was not this. Unbidden, a conversation from a few weeks ago came back into her mind. The stairwell in between the third and fourth floors, Hanssen trying to explain why he had been avoiding her after their first night together, finally managing to put into words what he felt for her….._I never expected to feel anything like that again. _

A woman called Maja, and a son he had never met. Were they the people who had stirred those same feelings in him before?

'Obviously you are something to him'.

Serena's voice was quiet.

'He's your son, and he wants to meet you, Henrik'.

She didn't ask why he had left in the first place, why he had left the mother of his child and never looked back. She, of all people, knew all too well how quickly relationships could sour and how badly things could go wrong. It was why, up until now, she had been so careful. She had never wanted to go through that again.

Hanssen turned back to the window. He seemed unable to meet Serena's gaze, although really she couldn't blame him. She was slightly surprised that he had confided in her at all.

He seemed to read her mind.

'I had decided not to tell you about them'.

He sounded apologetic, almost ashamed.

'It did not affect you, and I didn't want to run the risk of alienating you. Of having you think less of me because of it. And they were hardly a part of my life'.

Serena shook her head, even though his back was still turned and he couldn't see.

'I wouldn't have done. I care about you too much for that'.

It was the truth. She knew she had made enough mistakes in her time not to be able to judge others on theirs. And, she realised, she did care about him. She cared more than she was willing to admit.

'But now it does affect me?'

She paused.

'You're going?'

'I don't know'. He turned around, but hesitated before he spoke again.

'I had expected you to have left by now'.

Serena saw that he was only half-joking, and raised her eyebrows.

'And yet I'm still here', she murmured drily.

She was shocked, admittedly, and very surprised. It was a lot to take in but, she thought, it must be far harder for him to tell her than it was for her to listen.

'That being the case….' Hanssen paused, and cleared his throat delicately.

'If I decide to go – and I have not taken that decision yet….'

Another pause, and Serena waited. She had a feeling she knew what might be coming.

'Would you come with me?'


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter! I meant to post this at the weekend, but time ran away with me..._

_Hope you enjoy!x_

* * *

Serena leaned back in her seat, contemplating her half-empty glass of wine. She was still feeling slightly dazed and confused, and wasn't sure whether the alcohol was helping or not. On the whole, she decided not – but then again, it wasn't making things worse either.

Her conversation with Hanssen had been cut abruptly short when Sacha Levy had paged him from AAU. Serena had not realised that Hanssen was officially on call until nine that evening, and it seemed that Sacha and Gemma were beginning to struggle with the influx of patients. She had offered to go down as well and help out for a while, but Hanssen had refused. She had wondered briefly whether he should really be working, but then thought that he would probably welcome the distraction.

She was back in her own office, gathering her things and texting Eleanor to find out what she was doing that evening, before she realised she had left without properly answering Hanssen's question. _Would you come with me?_

It was that question which was occupying her mind now as she fiddled with the stem of her wine glass. Having established that Eleanor was spending the night at a friend's house, Serena had decided that home alone was the last place she wanted to be. And besides, her fridge and cupboards – not to mention her wine rack – were completely bare. Sitting in Albie's on her own seemed like a marginally better option. The bar was quiet, and she had managed to get a small, tucked-away table where she hoped no one that she knew would see her drinking alone. She had wanted the time to think.

'This seat taken?'

Serena groaned silently as Jac Naylor sat down opposite her without waiting for a reply. The redhead did not have a drink with her, and still had her coat on. Serena took comfort from that fact as it meant she probably wouldn't be staying long.

'What can I do for you, Jac?'

'I came in looking for Jonny. Didn't find him, but saw you sitting here on your own. Believe it or not, I wanted to see if you were ok'.

Serena took another mouthful of wine.

'I don't believe it'.

Jac smirked, and leaned forward.

'Fair enough. How about I change that and say I'm curious and fishing for gossip as to why you spent over an hour locked in Hanssen's office and are now sat here drinking on your own?'

'That's better'. Serena narrowed her eyes. 'And how did you know….?'

'Hardly important'.

'Hmm'.

Serena regarded the younger woman sceptically. Even if she had been in the mood for a girly chat, Jac Naylor was hardly the ideal candidate. She thought back to last year, when Hanssen had disappeared to Stockholm and she had sent Jac to try and find him. When Jac returned, she had – very uncharacteristically – refused to talk about what had happened, insisting that it was Hanssen's personal business. Serena was beginning to understand why.

'Sweden'.

Jac looked at her curiously.

'Old news'.

Serena shook her head.

'Resurrected'.

Comprehension began to dawn on Jac's face.

'Oh. He's talked to you about that?'

'I think so. Partly, anyway'.

Jac nodded slowly, watching Serena carefully as she took another drink.

'Well, that would explain the wine then'.

When Serena didn't answer, Jac pushed back her chair, preparing to leave, but paused and rested her hands on the table. Her fingernails tapped the wood, forcing Serena's attention back to their conversation.

'Course, this is none of my business'.

Serena raised her eyebrows, wondering if that had ever discouraged Jac from giving her opinion.

'But if he's spoken to you about Sweden, then it must be serious. He wouldn't do that if he doesn't trust you. So I would completely understand if you stayed here and finished the bottle, but I would at least send him a text. He's not on call anymore'.

As Jac stood up and left the table to go and meet Jonny – who had now arrived and was waiting patiently at one corner of the bar – Serena sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, realising that she had just been politely told to get her act together. She also realised that Jac was right.

What Hanssen had told her earlier had astounded her. It had left her feeling unsettled and slightly nonplussed. It had not, however, changed how she was beginning to feel about him. She knew she had not told him that when he probably most needed to hear it.

Checking her watch, she saw that it was now just gone ten. If Hanssen had finished on time, he would be almost home by now. Draining her glass, she pulled her coat off the back of the chair and stood up. She would have to get a taxi. Two glasses of wine on an empty stomach was not conducive to driving herself.

Of course, the sensible thing might have been to leave it and talk to him properly tomorrow - but then, she thought wryly, she very rarely seemed to do the sensible thing anymore.

That was maybe why she had made up her mind. If he decided to go to Sweden, she would go with him.

As the taxi pulled up outside Hanssen's house, Serena was relieved to see his car in the driveway and a light on behind the kitchen blind. She had not actually given any thought as to what she would do if he had stayed late at the hospital and was not home. Waiting on the doorstep always sounded like the romantic thing to do, but even though it was now the middle of May, it was still chilly and she wasn't wearing nearly enough clothes for that. The air outside after the warmth of the taxi made her shiver even for the short time it took to pay the driver, and she pulled her silk scarf closer around her neck as she made her way to the front door and rang the bell.

'Serena?'

Hanssen looked tired, and slightly confused at her presence on his doorstep. He had obviously not expected to see her again that evening, and she suddenly felt guilty for not making more of an effort to reassure him earlier.

'Can I come in?'

He stood aside to let her enter the hallway, and silently took her coat and scarf before leading her through to the kitchen. It looked as if he had been in the middle of making himself something to eat.

'Would you like anything?'

Serena smiled, trying to put him at ease. He hadn't been this uncomfortable with her for a while.

'Well, more wine probably isn't a good idea. Maybe a coffee?'

Hanssen nodded, and fetched another mug from one of the cupboards.

'I take it the wine was on an empty stomach?'

Serena nodded sheepishly. He knew her well.

As he made coffee and continued slicing tomatoes and cheese, Serena looked around her. She had not been to Hanssen's house very often. The time they had together outside of work was usually spent at hers, with or without the constant chatter and interruptions that came with having a teenage daughter. Fortunately, Eleanor and Hanssen seemed to get on well. Serena would never have predicted it, but she wasn't going to question it. It made her life one hell of a lot easier.

The open-plan kitchen and living area, like the rest of the house, was sparsely furnished. There was nothing superfluous, nothing particularly personal, nothing beyond what was strictly necessary. The image of the house matched the image of the man, and Serena wondered if that was the same for everyone. If so, she didn't like to think what her often-chaotic house said about her. It was such a contrast to this, she didn't know how Hanssen coped with it.

One thing that she noticed tonight was the lack of any photographs. She hadn't registered it before, but now – probably because of what he had told her earlier – it was suddenly glaringly obvious. Her own shelves were liberally dotted with framed pictures; mostly of Eleanor, the two of them together, her own mother, even one of her parents when her father had still been alive. But here there was nothing. Either Hanssen did not want to be reminded of his family, or he had no family photographs to display in the first place.

'Here'.

She jumped slightly as his voice intruded on her thoughts, and she turned to see him indicating a kitchen chair. He had set the table with cutlery and two plates of food, and as she sat down he brought over the pot of coffee. Despite not having eaten since lunchtime, Serena found herself picking. Trying to work out what she should say was taking up all of her energy and making her nervous. She jumped again as Hanssen reached across and placed his free hand over hers.

'You look nervous'.

Serena sighed and put down her fork.

'Not nervous'. She stared at her plate for a moment before looking up at Hanssen. He looked worried and nervous himself.

'Just wondering how to tell you now what I should have told you earlier, that's all'.

'There wasn't anything that you should have told me'.

Hanssen reached for his coffee, but Serena suspected he was drinking more for a distraction than anything else. When he had put his mug back down she reached for his other hand and squeezed his fingers gently.

'Yes, there was'.

She took a deep breath. This kind of conversation did not come easily to her, and she wondered if she was about to blow it. She guessed there was only one way to find out.

'I should have told you the fact that you have a son doesn't make any difference to how I feel about you'.

She saw that he looked slightly shocked, and carried on talking before she could change her mind about revealing her feelings.

'I don't know why you left him – and Maja – in Sweden, and I don't know what happened over there last year. If you don't want to tell me I don't want to know. It doesn't change anything'.

Hanssen opened his mouth to speak – in fact he looked suspiciously like he was going to start arguing with her. Serena reached up and put one finger over his mouth before he could utter a word. She needed to finish this now that she had started.

'And if you decide to go to Sweden and if – only if - you still want me to be there, then I'll come with you'.

She dropped her finger, and picked up her own coffee mug.

'I'm not sure how it will look at work with both of us going AWOL at the same time, but I'm sure they'll manage'. She paused again.

'And as long as you don't make me eat fermented herring or listen to Abba while we're there'.

Risking a glance at Hanssen's face, she was relieved to see that he was beginning to smile.

'I can promise you there will be no Abba'.

He reached over and tounched her cheek gently with his finger.

'And the herring?'

'Well, surströmming is considered a rite of passage. But since I can't stand it myself, you might just get away with it'.

'So does that mean we're going?'

Hanssen looked at her intently.

'Are you sure, Serena?'

She nodded. Suddenly she was sure, more sure than she had ever been about anything.

'But are you? This is what you want to do?'

It was a minute before Hanssen shook his head.

'I'm not sure, no. That's why I have avoided this for the past twenty-five years'.

'So what's changed? You don't feel guilty because of the depression she says he has?'

'No, no'. Hanssen shook his head again, and she could see him considering his next words. Eventually, his answer sent a warm ripple cascading through her tummy.

'I'll have you with me'.

It was so simple but so heartbreakingly honest, and those words made Serena dizzier and happier than she had felt for a long time. Seemingly oblivious to the effect they had had on her, Hanssen gave her a little smile and gestured to her plate.

'Are you going to finish that before bed, or not?'

Serena grinned impishly and picked up her fork again. She was suddenly starving.

'Better had'. She speared a piece of cheese and salami together. 'Otherwise I'll just be up later hunting for chocolate. I know you have some somewhere'.

Hanssen stood up, and went over to the cupboard that he had taken the mug from earlier. Reaching to the back, he picked something up and turned back to the table, holding something out to her. She stared at it before bursting out laughing.

'You have Dairy Milk?'

Serena wondered if Hanssen would ever stop surprising her. Somehow she hoped not. Putting down her fork again, she stood up and walked over to him, slipping her arms around his waist.

'I suppose that means we can go to bed now, then. If you want to, that is'.

His kiss was all the answer she needed.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for all the lovely reviews! So we're heading to Stockholm...and I should probably add another disclaimer here. I have never been to Stockholm - or anywhere in Sweden - in my life. I've been relying on photos from a friend's recent trip and a handy phrasebook that I picked up from work :). Perks of the job...But if anyone knows the place or the language and notices any glaring errors, please feel free to let me know! _

_Enjoy x_

* * *

'_Would all passengers for Flight EZY 3178 to Barcelona please make their way to gate number seventeen. Boarding will commence in five minutes'. _

The announcement sparked a scene of mild panic at the front of the security queue; a group of passengers who were obviously destined for Barcelona were still having their bags searched by a dour-looking official. Serena watched them start flapping around the security station, trying to hurry the official along by claiming loudly that they would sue for compensation if they missed the flight. He obviously didn't give a damn, and she smirked. There wasn't much to like about airports, but they were certainly good for observing humanity.

She glanced up at Hanssen, standing next to her. He seemed remarkably calm, although she wasn't really sure what she had expected. He was hardly the sort to let his emotions show in public even if he had been feeling nervous. As they neared the front of the queue, she tapped him on the elbow.

'Shoes off'.

He turned to her, and she realised that he had been miles away. Figuratively speaking, of course.

'What?'

'Your shoes'.

Serena pointed to the large sign that politely asked all passengers to remove their footwear before going through the security scanners, and held up her own flat brown boots.

Hanssen sighed and bent down to take off his shoes. As he straightened up again, Serena tried to suppress a smile. His bright red socks stood out violently next to his dark trousers and coat, and she thought, they were very un-Hanssen like. He caught her look, and raised his eyebrows.

'Something wrong?'

'No, I like red socks'.

She piled her handbag, laptop case and jewellery into the tray, and walked through the security scanner. For once, it didn't beep and she wasn't pulled aside, and with a sigh of relief she headed to the end of the line to wait for her belongings. Hanssen, coming behind her, was not so lucky.

Serena almost laughed out loud as she saw him standing to one side, arms outstretched and legs apart, looking very uncomfortable as he was thoroughly patted down by a young security official who looked like he should have been on his school lunch break. She briefly wondered if they really were getting younger, or if it was just her getting older, before Hanssen was released and she quickly tried to compose herself.

'Enjoy that?' she enquired sweetly as he joined her.

He gave her a withering look that would have made a lesser woman cringe, but it just made Serena chuckle more.

'Never mind'. She swallowed the worst of her laughter and squeezed his arm. 'They obviously just thought you looked dodgy'.

She handed him his coat before pulling her boots back on and scooping her bag out of its tray. Checking her watch, she noted that they had a good half-hour before they were due to board.

'Coffee?' she asked hopefully, and Hanssen nodded. He had been very quiet all morning, but Serena was pleasantly surprised when he slipped his hand into hers and allowed her to lead him towards the nearest café. As they stood in line, deciding what to have and waiting to be served, she felt his arm around her waist and his lips drop a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

'What was that for?'

She turned to look up at him, smiling. Without the heels that she normally wore for work, her head barely came up to his shoulder.

'For being here'.

Before she could speak his lips met hers, quickly and lightly.

'That one I have no excuse for'.

She looked at him quizzically.

'Do you need one?'

He considered the question for a few seconds before smiling back, a warm look in his eyes.

'No. I suppose I don't'.

A polite cough from the customer behind them broke their attention away from each other, and Serena tried to hide the satisfied little grin on her face by inspecting the pastries in the glass counter while Hanssen ordered their coffees. She could only imagine Eleanor's embarrassment had she been there ('_Oh, God. Do they have rooms at airports?')_, but her smile just grew wider as Hanssen handed her a coffee along with a cinnamon roll. He had obviously guessed she was hungry and ordered it without her realising.

'You know, that's one of the reasons….'

She stopped, looking at the pastry, suddenly horribly aware of what she had been about to say. She had caught herself just in time.

'What?'

Hanssen raised his eyebrows enquiringly as he led the way over to a free table.

Serena gave a little shake of her head, and sipped her coffee as she sat down.

'Nothing'.

She finished the sentence silently in her head, grateful that her normal brain function had returned before she had blurted it out loud.

'_You know, that's one of the reasons I love you'._

* * *

Serena awoke to the sounds of conversation all around her, dulled slightly by the noise of the aircraft engine and her own muffled hearing. Her ears had popped as they had taken off, and had not sorted themselves out yet. Yawning, she rubbed her eyes and shifted her position in the cramped seat. Stretching properly was out of the question.

'We're almost there'.

Hanssen reached across her and pointed out of the window. Islands were scattered like tiny pebbles across the bluest water Serena had ever seen, and she realised that they had begun their descent over the Stockholm archipelago. She leaned back slightly to allow him a better view, but he sat back in his own seat and fastened his seatbelt as the pilot announced their imminent arrival at Arlanda.

Serena returned her attention to the scene unfolding on a larger and larger scale below her. It certainly looked pretty. She was looking forward to exploring a bit, but wasn't sure if she would be on her own when she did. Hanssen had not, as far as she was aware, made any firm arrangements yet with his son or with Maja, and Serena had not nagged him about it. She had also not told him – and didn't think she would tell him – that she hoped she wouldn't have to meet the mother of his child just yet. The idea of it made her feel slightly strange and awkward, even though she knew it was a bit hypocritical. After all, he would probably have to meet Eleanor's father at some point. She thought wryly that it was perhaps something she should have considered before saying that she would come along.

Once they had landed and disembarked, it didn't take them long to clear the formalities of passport control and find the baggage reclaim area. Serena's head was still fuzzy from her patchy sleep on the plane, and she felt a bit disorientated at suddenly hearing and seeing the strange language all around her. When Hanssen made a quick detour to a newspaper kiosk, it took her by surprise to hear him speaking fluent Swedish with ease – although of course, she thought, what else would he do? He was Swedish, after all. Somehow it suited him just as well as his perfect English but it made her feel uncomfortable again, like he belonged here and she most definitely did not. She gave herself a mental shake. She was here now. She might as well try to enjoy what she could of it.

'Ow!'

She involuntarily let out a little yelp as she felt a sharp pop in her ear and Hanssen looked over, a concerned look on his face.

'Are you alright?'

'It unpopped', Serena explained, rubbing the offending ear and pointing with her other hand. Her small suitcase was slowly making its way round towards them on the carousel, and as it reached them Hanssen plucked it off effortlessly, setting it down at her feet and turning back to look for his own.

As they waited, she pulled out her mobile and switched it on, waiting impatiently for it to realise that she was now in Stockholm rather than Holby. It didn't take long. With impressive Scandinavian efficiency, the network was located in less than a minute and a message flashed up from Eleanor. Her daughter had been dispatched to stay with friends for the few days that Serena was away and, like the staff at the hospital, was under the impression that she and Hanssen were taking a short break to have some time alone. Despite the teasing she had had to endure from Michael and Ric, Serena had thought that was easier than having to explain all the details when, to be honest, she wasn't sure of a lot of it yet herself.

She smiled as she read the text, suddenly missing Eleanor and wishing she had summoned up the nerve to tell someone why she was really in Sweden. Juggling her feelings for Hanssen and her feelings about his situation – their situation – was not easy. She wondered how much more lonely she would feel by the end of the trip.

'Do you want to ring Eleanor?'

Hanssen had collected his own case and was standing next to her, nodding towards her phone but Serena shook her head.

'No, it's just a text. And I think it was aimed at both of us really'.

She held out the phone for Hanssen to read the message.

'_Have a safe trip & a lovely time. Behave yourselves!x'. _

Hanssen raised his eyebrows.

'Has she not learnt by now that you never behave yourself?'

Serena looked indignant, but Hanssen's eyes were twinkling and she saw that he was teasing her.

'True'. She picked up her suitcase. 'Sometimes I wonder who's the sixteen year old and who's the crabby middle aged cynic'.

Hanssen reached out to take the case from her, but instead of giving it to him she slipped her hand into his and smiled up at him.

'I'll ring her later from the hotel. How are we getting there?'

Hanssen thought for a moment.

'The tunnelbana is probably the easiest. The hotel is in the Old Town, and a taxi couldn't drop us outside anyway'.

Serena nodded. She was entirely in his hands here – since she couldn't read any of the signs and had no idea how to ask for directions. She tried to remember the little bits of Swedish that Hanssen had taught her but for the moment everything except _ja _and _tack _escaped her. Languages had never been her strong point. Although when she thought about it, they had been in bed at the time, which hadn't helped her concentration. And finding a bar later and practising saying _Jag skulle vilja ha ett glas rött vin _didn't sound like a bad idea.

'I suppose we could have used the apartment, but this hotel is nice'.

'What?'

Serena turned to look up at him as they emerged onto the tunnelbana platform. It was fairly crowded, but nothing like the times she had been on the London tube at rush hour.

'You mean we could have stayed with Maja in her apartment?'

'No, no'. Hanssen shook his head, and gave her a quick smile. 'I know I'm not good at this sort of thing, Serena, but even I know that probably wouldn't have been a good idea, even if she had offered'.

He looked away from her, ostensibly checking the time of the next train.

'No, I have an apartment here. It was where my father lived'.

Serena thought it was the first time she had ever heard him mention either of his parents. To most people who knew him, the idea of Hanssen ever having had a mother and a father, of him ever having been a small boy with tantrums and scraped knees and a favourite teddy bear….well, it was too strange an idea to even consider, and he did nothing to convince them otherwise. Serena wondered how many others, apart from her, had seen this other side to him.

'Lived?'

Hanssen nodded.

'My mother died when I was very young. My father, last year'.

Last year. Serena thought quickly. Hanssen had also been in Sweden last year. Had he been with his father when he died?

'The apartment is now mine, and I never sold it. I suppose I should, really. I don't think I'll use it again'.

She squeezed his hand gently. She didn't like to ask about how his parents had died. Especially not on the tunnelbana platform.

'I'm sorry'.

'There is no need to be'. But still, he squeezed her hand back.

As the train pulled up at the platform, they joined the general movement forwards towards the opening doors. This time she allowed Hanssen to take her case from her to lift it onto the luggage rack, and let him guide her towards the window where there was a space to stand. When the train started with a jerk, she lurched forwards and almost trod on his foot, but his strong arm around her shoulders helped her keep her balance.

She wondered why he did not use the apartment. Too many memories? Or not enough?

'I'm sorry', she murmured again. 'That probably wasn't the best place to have that conversation'.

Hanssen looked down at her, a little smile on his face as he drew her in closer, out of the way of a large businessman with an even larger briefcase that was threatening to dig Serena in the back.

'Oh, I think it was as good a place as any. And besides, I told you. You didn't ask'.

She looked up at him, but he had turned his gaze away from her to the city outskirts, now hurtling past outside the window. The view went black as they entered a tunnel, and Serena sighed.

She wondered how many more revealing conversations in strange places there would be before she was back on this train again and heading home.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter! Hope you enjoy this one x_

* * *

Serena stepped carefully out of the shower, wrapping a large white towel around her and thinking that tomorrow she would have to try out the whirlpool bath. She had left the door into the bedroom open to let some of the steam escape, and now she could hear Hanssen talking softly on his mobile. Having just intended to take a quick shower to freshen up – airports and flights always made her feel slightly grimy – she had stayed under the powerful stream of hot water for far longer than was probably necessary. She had wanted to give him some space to make that call. Of course it helped that the bathroom was, by her standards, pretty luxurious, and by the time she had finished fully sampling the complimentary toiletries she realised that she had probably been in there an hour.

In fact, she was very impressed with the hotel altogether; Hanssen had been quite right when he had assured her that it was nice. Small and tucked away in Gamla Stan, the old part of town, it had an intimate, cosy feel to it despite having fairly minimalist decor. Her first reaction had been one of pleasant surprise, simply because she had not thought it would be a place he would have chosen, but he had obviously stayed there before and had been sweetly pleased when she said how lovely it was.

Pulling a soft white hotel robe around her, she walked quietly back into the bedroom and sat on the bed, pulling her laptop out of her bag. She didn't really need to check email – she was supposed to be taking a break, after all – but she didn't want to disturb Hanssen. He was standing by the window, his back to her, and had not heard her leave the shower as he listened intently to the person on the other end of the line. Serena assumed it was Maja. Occasionally he spoke, and once again, she experienced a quick flash of disorientation as she heard the Swedish words flow so easily, as if he had never been away. She wondered what they were talking about, what arrangements they were making, and was grateful the hotel had wifi. At least it would be a distraction. And there was no point trying to listen in on a one-sided conversation that she couldn't understand anyway.

'You're supposed to be on holiday'.

Hanssen had hung up, and had turned from the window to gaze at Serena sitting cross-legged on the bed.

'Says the man who doesn't know the meaning of the word'.

'Yes, I was hoping you would do something about that, but I see you're just as bad'.

Hanssen sat on the bed beside her, and Serena flicked her laptop shut with a sigh.

'No one is as bad as you'. She smiled over at him, seeing that he looked slightly nervous and unsure again.

'But we can work on that another time. Was that Maja?'

He nodded.

'So...?'

'His graduation ceremony is tomorrow'.

Serena noticed that he didn't call his son by his name.

'In the morning. They are going out for a celebratory meal in the evening, so apparently he has suggested tomorrow afternoon'.

Serena nodded slowly.

'A big day for him tomorrow, then'.

Hanssen looked slightly surprised, and then nodded.

'Yes, I suppose so'.

'Where are you meeting him?'

'Maja suggested their apartment. It's probably best somewhere private'.

Hanssen stood up and began unpacking the few things that he had brought with him. Serena watched as he hung shirts on the rail in the small wardrobe, and placed socks and underwear in perfectly neat lines on the shelf. She knew that when she next went into the bathroom, she would find his toothbrush upright in the holder, his razor placed at right angles to the wall and the soap that she had left on the side of the bath placed back in the container by the sink. When he became stressed, his natural penchant for order and tidiness became almost obsessive, and she could only imagine how uncomfortable the idea of meeting his son was making him feel.

'So we've got the rest of today and tonight for you to show me the sights, then?'

It was a blatant attempt to lighten the mood, to try and distract them both from the real reason they were there and, to her relief, he nodded. Lovely as their room was, she didn't want to sit in it all evening worrying about tomorrow and she suspected he didn't either.

'Are you hungry?'

Serena nodded, realising that yes, she was. The cinnamon roll at the airport seemed a very long time ago, and it was now past six. She thought that Hanssen must be hungry by now as well. She hadn't seen him eat all day.

'There's a nice restaurant over the bridge in Blasieholmen. We could take the scenic route - if you want to see some of the town tonight, that is'.

'I would love to'.

She stood up and fetched her open suitcase, tipping most of the contents out onto the bed as she tried to decide what to wear. Hanssen watched her for a few minutes, his expression a mix of amazement and amusement, before he gave a little shake of his head and headed into the bathroom.

She heard him speak quietly before he shut the door.

'It doesn't matter what you wear, Serena. You look beautiful'.

* * *

Sipping her wine with a sigh of contentment, Serena became aware of Hanssen watching her from his seat opposite. A small candle flickered in between them, the light of its flame stronger now against the dusky light outside. They had arrived at the restaurant just in time to get the last window table overlooking the water and the Old Town on the other side of the bridge, and the view was beautiful. Serena realised that she had been gazing at it for most of the ten minutes that they had been sat down, and hadn't even looked at the menu yet. She smiled a little sheepishly over at Hanssen, and put her glass down.

'Sorry. It's lovely to sit and look at the view'.

He nodded, but didn't take his eyes from her as he smiled and passed her a menu.

'No need to apologise'.

Serena took it from him and opened it, her eyes scanning the page before she looked back at Hanssen. He looked as if he were concentrating on which main course to order, but she could see the twinkle in his eyes.

'You're going to have to help me out here'.

'Oh, I don't know. You managed to order yourself a drink'.

'If you hadn't been with me I'd be sitting here drinking gin, not wine. It seems my accent leaves something to be desired'.

She could see him smirking behind his menu, and gave him a gentle kick under the table.

'You're enjoying this, aren't you?'

Hanssen nodded, smiling now as he looked over at her.

'I taught you some of this, anyway. You should see what you can remember'.

She gave him a wry look.

'You mean that hour in bed the other night constituted a language lesson?'

'It was the only time I could get you to concentrate'.

'I actually remember concentrating on what your hand was doing, not on the Swedish'.

Serena almost laughed as she saw Hanssen blush slightly. He was much more open and confident with her now in that respect than she would ever have imagined he could be, but at times he was still endearingly self-conscious. He lowered his eyes to his menu again.

'I was taught a very effective technique for examinations that involved picturing the room in which a particular lecture took place. When it came to answering a question on that topic, visualising the room was supposed to help the memory'.

Serena's eyes widened, and she attempted to swallow the bubble of laughter that threatened to escape along with the mouthful of wine she had just taken.

'Are you suggesting what I think you are?' She finally managed to swallow the wine without hiccupping, but the laughter was still there.

Hanssen looked up at her innocently.

'It always worked for me'.

He broke into a smile as he saw the look on her face, and seemed to relent somewhat in his teasing.

'But since we are in a restaurant it's maybe not such a good idea. And it's probably safest if I order anyway. What kind of thing would you like?'

'Not sure. What are you getting?'

'This one'. He pointed. 'Strömmingsflundra. Fried Baltic herring filled with dill and butter'.

Actually, Serena had to admit it sounded good. She shut her menu with a decisive snap.

'OK, I'll try that'.

'Are you sure? They have meat dishes if you don't want fish. Reindeer, if you're feeling particularly adventurous'.

'I'm not'.

He returned her smile as the waiter came over to take their order.

'Maybe you'll feel differently when it comes to dessert'.

* * *

'That', Serena announced, zipping up her jacket as they left the warmth of the restaurant, 'was amazing. We need to go back for more before we leave'.

Hanssen laughed, and took her hand. They had both enjoyed the fish, and he had managed to talk her into trying a traditional curd cake for dessert. Despite her initial reservations, Serena had decided it was one of the best things she had ever eaten.

'Oh, they serve it in most places. I'm sure you'll be able to get it again'.

They began walking slowly along the street back towards the bridge. It was almost dark now, but there was still a blue tinge to the sky and Serena suspected that it wouldn't really get much blacker. It was only a month until midsummer, and the chill in the air reminded her that they were a lot further north. She shivered slightly, and Hanssen slipped his arm around her shoulders.

'Cold?'

'A bit. It's nice to walk and have the fresh air though'.

It was true – especially after what seemed like days tied to her desk with paperwork and then the stuffiness of the airport and the plane.

'Well, if you're sure– and if you're not too tired – we could go back to the hotel a slightly different way, and I'll show you the apartment. If you'd like to see it'.

Serena looked up at him. He had added the last sentence very casually, but she could tell he was torn. He wanted to share this with her, but sharing didn't come naturally to him, even now, and he didn't want to pressure her.

'I'd love to'. She smiled and squeezed his hand that was resting on her shoulder.

They continued walking slowly, Hanssen gently guiding her in the right direction when they came to a junction or corner. There were quite a few people out and about, heading to and from work, home and the various bars and restaurants that made up this part of town. Serena lost all sense of direction, even though distance-wise they actually hadn't gone very far, and it was only when they crossed a bridge that she realised they were back at the top of the Old Town. Not far past the end of the bridge, Hanssen stopped and reached into his pocket to pull out a set of keys.

'There's not a lot to see, really'.

He sounded apologetic as he gazed up at the three storey townhouse. It was smart, with fresh paint and a modern intercom and entry system by the front door, and lights were on in the first and third floor windows. The second floor looked to be in darkness, and Serena guessed that the apartment there was Hanssen's.

He opened the front door with one of the keys and held it open for her as he switched on the stairway light. She followed him up the stairs, and waited as he paused outside the apartment door on the second floor.

'Is it okay to go in?'

Hanssen nodded, and fitted the other key into the lock.

'Of course. It's empty, we won't disturb anyone'.

The apartment had high ceilings, wooden floors, and the bare minimum of furniture. It was surprisingly warm, and Serena guessed that the heat from the apartments above and below helped to keep the chill off. It was also very clean, and she wondered if Hanssen had someone looking after the place while it stood empty.

'Your father lived here?'

They were standing in the living room, the sofa and chairs covered with dustsheets and the bookcases empty of books and ornaments. Serena wandered over to the tall window that looked out over the cobbled street below, and fingered the faded material of the curtains that still hung there. Heavy silk with a light floral pattern. Definitely a woman's touch.

She looked up as Hanssen came to stand beside her, and he nodded in answer to her question.

'What about your mother?'

Serena wasn't sure she wanted to ask the question, but she sensed Hanssen wanted to tell her something. He just didn't know what to say.

'A long time ago'. Hanssen paused and looked at Serena's hand on the curtains. 'Those were her choice. My father hated them'.

'But he kept them'.

'Yes, it seems so'.

Serena dropped the curtains and perched on the low, wide windowsill while Hanssen gazed past her, out of the window.

'What happened?'

He was silent for a moment before he sighed softly and looked down at her.

'He left. Disappeared, for a while. And she committed suicide'.

Serena's eyes widened and she took a sharp, almost reflexive intake of breath, as if she had been hit in the gut. She felt as if she had been.

'Jesus, Henrik'. Her voice came out as a whisper.

Hanssen carried on speaking, his voice betraying little emotion, but Serena knew him well enough by now to know what that was costing him.

'I blamed him, naturally. His work was….difficult. He made some choices he shouldn't have made. I thought that was the reason for her walking into a lake and drowning herself, but now….well. It seems that she couldn't cope without him. Pure and simple'.

He paused.

'The choices he made were the reason I did not want him associated with the hospital'.

For a brief moment Serena was lost. She didn't understand what Holby had to do with Hanssen's father, and he must have seen the look of confusion on her face.

'The pharmaceutical company that wanted to invest in Holby, that I blocked. Biotek. That was my father's'.

Serena gripped the windowsill. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear any more, but it seemed Hanssen wanted to tell her.

'He used Nazi research. With my mother's encouragement. She apparently did not want to feel that she and her brother had suffered in vain. When I found out, after she died…..' He shook his head. 'I was packed off to public school in England. I couldn't stand to be around him'.

'But you were here last year, when he….?'

She didn't need to finish the question, which was just as well since her voice didn't seem to be working properly.

'Yes, I was here when he died'.

He fell silent. Serena had no idea what to say. She didn't think there was anything she could say. She knew he had built those walls around himself for a reason. But she had never imagined that they would come crashing down to reveal something like this.

He stepped closer and put his hands on her shoulders, keeping her sat down but pulling her closer to him. Her head rested on his flat stomach, and she wrapped her arms around his waist as he ran his fingers through her hair and cuddled her close. Whether it was for her comfort or his she couldn't tell, because even as she felt him shaking slightly, she knew that tears were rolling down her own cheeks.

At that moment she felt closer to him than she had ever felt to anyone before and, despite the pain that had brought them to this point, that was a feeling that she never wanted to end.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you - again - for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter! Hope you continue to enjoy :) x_

* * *

'Are you sure you'll be alright?'

Serena nodded, smiling, and reached up to straighten the collar of his shirt. Hanssen, she had decided, looked slightly odd without his normal suit and tie, but she thought she could probably get used to it.

'I'll be fine', she assured him. 'I've got some emails to see to, and then I might go shopping. I should get something for Eleanor while I'm here'.

Hanssen nodded, and checked his watch again for the tenth time in as many minutes. He had been jumpy all morning, and Serena couldn't really blame him. She was starting to feel nervous as well, although whether for him or for her she wasn't quite sure. He seemed worried about leaving her on her own, but she was glad he had not asked her to go with him to meet Fredrik. She wasn't sure she could have coped with that.

'You remember the way to those shops we passed last night? Turn left at the bottom of the hill, along past the church and then…..'

'Henrik, stop worrying'. Serena put a firm hand on his arm to stop him checking his watch yet again. 'I'll be fine, I'm a big girl. And anyway, getting lost in a strange place is all part of the fun'.

'Hmmm'.

He did not look convinced, but reluctantly reached for his coat.

'I should go'.

She nodded, and forced another smile.

'Just call me later and let me know what you're doing'.

It wasn't until he had kissed her – twice – and left the hotel room that Serena allowed herself to sink back down on to the bed with a deep sigh. She felt slightly sick and, as she lay back and stared up at the ceiling, she wondered what the hell she was doing. Her first proper relationship in several years….why couldn't it just be simple? Uncomplicated?

Hanssen had still not told her why he had left Maja when she was pregnant, but, after what he had told her last night, Serena suspected it was pure and simple fear. Fear of having a happy family life, only for it all to go wrong. Fear that, if it did, it would be his fault. She found herself wondering if that fear was something he still carried with him, and how long he would last with her before doing the same thing again. And she thought that perhaps she should have been prepared for the feelings of jealousy sparking inside her as she watched him re-establish contact with a woman who he had obviously been very much in love with, and who was the mother of his child – but she hadn't been. And now she felt like shit.

'Christ'.

She turned over and moaned into the pillow, before thumping it with her fist and sending her laptop, perched on the edge of the cushion, jumping into the air. It reminded her that she did have emails to see to – that wasn't just an excuse she had given Hanssen – and she forced herself to sit up and flip it open. She needed a serious distraction, and the only one she had ever known was work.

It took two hours before she had dealt with everything that needed to be dealt with, along with a good deal that didn't – although none of it was so urgent that it couldn't have waited until she got home. As she shut down her laptop and headed to the bathroom to fix her makeup, she found herself checking her watch and wondering what Hanssen was doing, and she swore softly to herself as she brushed foundation over her cheekbones and added a touch of mascara.

Evidently work as a distraction had not…well, worked. That left either bottle of wine, or retail therapy. And since it was still only mid-afternoon, she thought it had better be the shopping. She had a feeling she would be coming back with plenty for herself as well as for Eleanor, and, assuming Hanssen was still busy, she would then practice her Swedish on another unsuspecting barman.

Slinging her coat over one arm, Serena locked the door and headed down to the tiny lobby to hand her room key in while she was out. She didn't have to – it was not hotel policy – but given her track record of losing things she thought it was probably safest. And it meant it would be there if Hanssen arrived back before she did. Descending the stairs, she handed it over to the friendly receptionist and was about to pull her coat on when she noticed a woman standing up from the squashy sofa next to the desk.

'Serena? Serena Campbell?'

'Yes?' Serena raised her eyebrows, surprised. She knew no one here apart from Hanssen.

The woman held out her hand, a nervous smile on her face.

'Maja Johansson'.

* * *

'Thank you'.

Serena took a sip of the coffee that Maja placed in front of her, watching over the rim of her mug as the other woman sat down with her own drink. The cafe was reasonably busy, but they had managed to find a table near the door and even though it meant a draught every time someone came in or left, Serena was quite grateful. She liked the idea of a quick escape should one be necessary.

She had been completely shocked in the hotel lobby when Maja had introduced herself and asked if they could perhaps go for a coffee and talk. Too shocked, in fact, to do anything but nod and agree and try and make polite small talk about their flight and the hotel as they headed outside. The cafe, however, was just around the corner from the hotel, and as Maja ordered the coffees Serena's brain began to click back into gear. Shock was replaced by a vague anger as she realised Hanssen must have told Maja she was at the hotel. Had he asked Maja to come and find her for some reason?

Some of her thoughts on what she would do to him later if that was the case – son or no son – must have shown in her face, because Maja smiled, a little nervously again, and shook her head.

'This was not Henrik's idea. In fact, he did not want me to come. He thought it would be too awkward'.

_He was right there_, Serena thought, but didn't say anything.

'So why did you?'

'Honestly?' Maja looked down as she stirred her coffee. 'I was curious'.

She looked up again, and studied Serena as she took a sip of her drink.

'Henrik told me about you before he had even decided whether to come or not, but I did not realise that your relationship was so serious that he would bring you with him'.

_Neither did I_. Once again, though, Serena kept her thoughts to herself as Maja continued talking.

'To be very blunt, I wanted...well. I wanted to...'

'To see what kind of woman he's gone for this time?'

Serena knew it sounded crude, and it probably sounded harsher than she had intended, but Maja nodded.

'I left him at our apartment with Fredrik and Nils'.

'Nils?'

'My husband. Henrik's friend. And business partner'. She stopped, and corrected herself. 'He used to be his business partner and friend'.

'Partner in his father's company?'

Maja nodded, and Serena was silent. She didn't really want to start asking more questions, and she certainly didn't want to start talking about Hanssen behind his back with his ex-partner. But there wasn't a lot else to talk about.

'He has told you about his parents?' Maja's expression was open and genuine, but it didn't make Serena feel any more comfortable as she nodded reluctantly.

'I think so. Some of it, anyway'.

Maja nodded thoughtfully, and didn't ask any more. It was a few minutes before she put down her coffee mug and spoke again.

'He is a good man, Serena. Henrik'. She smiled again. 'Although perhaps if I had been sitting here talking to you twenty years ago I would have said something a little different'.

Despite herself, Serena smiled back. Being a single mother was something she could understand and sympathise with. She suspected Maja knew that as well but just hadn't liked to bring it up, and she felt herself softening a little towards the Swedish woman. She was at least trying to be friendly – and she didn't have to be.

'Bringing up a child on your own is hard'.

Maja nodded and fiddled with her teaspoon, a thoughtful expression on her face.

'I am not sure whether it would have been any easier if he had stayed. Of course I was angry and hurt when he left, but now I think that maybe it was for the best. Nils is a wonderful husband and father'.

She looked at Serena again.

'And Henrik needed to heal'.

'Hmm'. Serena's smile was cynical. 'I'm not sure that he has'.

'He must have started to, or he would not be here. And you would not be with him'.

Serena narrowed her eyes as she looked over at Maja, but could see nothing but earnest conviction in her expression. She hid her own discomfort by taking another mouthful of coffee. Polite friendliness was one thing. Intimate conversations were another thing entirely.

'Why are you telling me all this?'

'Because despite what happened I still care about Henrik. He is the father of my child, and I cannot change that'.

_As if I needed reminding..._Serena went to take another mouthful of coffee, but found her mug empty.

'I suppose I wanted to ask you not to judge him too harshly. You seem to make him happy. He deserves that'.

She broke off, and looked slightly uncomfortable as she prepared for what she wanted to say next.

'And I also wanted to reassure you that...well, Henrik and I...it is over. Long over. I thought it must be difficult for you having to see him so preoccupied with a past life, but it is just that. He has a different life now. We all do. This was for Fredrik'.

Serena saw her anxious expression, knew that Maja had been worried about that little speech, and nodded.

She had thought that she would come away from this meeting feeling worse than before, but funnily enough she actually felt a bit better, if slightly drained. Maja seemed very genuine and honest, and Serena thought she could see some of the same fiery spirit that she herself possessed. Hanssen had said it was partly what had attracted him to her. Some things obviously hadn't changed.

Maja checked her watch.

'Henrik will be getting worried that I have led you astray'. She smiled over at Serena. 'Why don't you come back to the apartment with me and meet him there?'

Serena's eyes widened.

'I'm not sure...'

She stopped, and took a deep breath. After the past hour, the idea of meeting Hanssen's son suddenly didn't seem so terrifying. And she might as well get it all done and over with on the same day. If she was going to do the emotional stuff, she thought, she might as well do it properly. She could shop tomorrow, although she suspected she would still be hitting the wine bottle later as planned.

'Ok'. She reached for her handbag. 'Why not?'

* * *

Serena felt a flood of relief wash over her as the door to the apartment block shut behind them and they started walking slowly down the street.

'Wow. That was…..'

'I'm sorry'. Hanssen took her hand in his. 'I didn't know Maja would bring you back here. I told her not to go looking for you in the first place'.

'I know. It's ok'.

They walked on in silence until they reached the water. Serena could see the trees and greenery of the Skansen Zoo across the bridge, and she thought it must be lovely to live in a city with so much nature all around. Holby seemed like a world – and a lifetime – away.

Hanssen had looked relieved to see her when Maja had brought her back to their apartment in Östermalm, although she hadn't been sure whether that was because he actually wanted her there or whether he was just pleased to see them both in one piece. But as he had introduced her to Fredrik and Nils, she had been pleasantly surprised to feel his hand, firm and reassuring and slightly possessive, on the small of her back.

Serena had found both Nils and Fredrik to be good company, despite the awkwardness of the situation. No mention was made of what father and son had talked about, and no one else asked. Instead, the conversation had revolved around Fredrik's recent graduation and career plans, and Hanssen and Serena's intentions for the rest of their time in Stockholm. Hanssen, perhaps beginning to worry about what Serena and Maja had talked about earlier, had taken care not to leave her alone, and as they had prepared to leave she had seen Maja smile as he slipped an arm around her shoulders.

Serena leaned against the solid black railing, letting the gentle breeze ruffle her hair as it carried the sounds of the city behind them along and out towards Riddarfjärden bay, to mingle with the noise of the seabirds wheeling overhead. She glanced sideways at Hanssen. He appeared to be deep in thought as he gazed out over the water, and she touched his arm lightly.

'How did it go?'

He smiled humourlessly.

'It went, I suppose'. He paused. 'He seems to be doing well'.

'What did you talk about?'

Hanssen shrugged. 'Surgery, mostly'.

'Surgery?'

'He's a doctor now. It seemed a good point of contact. And he asked about my work'.

Serena shook her head, but couldn't help a small smile. It sounded as if Fredrik was more like his father than she had thought.

'Anything a little more….personal?'

'Not really'. Hanssen turned to face her. 'He already knows from Maja what happened. Most of it, anyway. I think he just wanted to put a face to the name'.

'Hmm'. Serena nodded. 'And are you alright with that?'

'Yes, I think so'.

She found herself believing him.

'Do you think it helped?'

Hanssen sighed.

'I don't know. He didn't seem depressed to me, but then…..'

He didn't need to add the end of the sentence – _but then I don't know him. _

'If it did then I'm glad. If not, I can't do anything else and I don't think he would want me to try. Although…' He paused.

'Although….?'

'I did think that perhaps I would see if he wants the apartment'.

'Your apartment?'

Hanssen nodded.

'I won't use it. And to be quite honest, I can't be bothered to sell it. Fredrik will be working at Karolinska soon. He might want a place of his own'.

Serena was silent for a moment.

'Well, try and see him again tomorrow before we leave', she replied at last. 'See what he thinks'.

Hanssen nodded again, slowly.

'About that'.

'What?'

'Leaving'.

Serena felt a sinking in her stomach. Surely he wasn't wanting to stay?

'I wondered if you would like to see a bit more of the country'.

Serena raised her eyebrows as he explained further.

'I – Nils and Maja, now – have a summer cabin out of Stockholm. It's about an hour west on Lake Nyckelsjön'.

He caught the expression on her face, and smiled reassuringly.

'Don't worry. It's nothing to do with my mother. It's mine, but I hardly ever used it. Like most things, Nils and Maja ended up with it. I thought we could maybe stay an extra night or two and go out there, if you liked the idea'.

Actually, Serena thought, she did like the idea. She was happy that Hanssen's meeting with his son had gone reasonably well, since that was, after all, the reason they were there. But now, after today, she found herself desperately wanting some time alone with him. It was ironic really, given that time alone was the excuse she had already given to everyone at work. She would never have said so herself, but it seemed he shared her feelings.

She nodded.

'That sounds….' She paused, and smiled up at him. 'Really good'.

He smiled back, looking relieved.

'I'll see if I can meet Fredrik tomorrow, and then we can go tomorrow evening'.

'Ok. That'll give me time to do the shopping I never got done today'.

She looked up at him, her eyes teasing. She knew he wanted to ask, and she wasn't disappointed.

'What exactly did, er…you and Maja talk about?'

Serena laughed as she linked her arm with his and started to walk along the street, back towards the bridge.

'You, of course. But I'll need a glass of wine before I go into detail'.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter! Hope you enjoy this one. It's a bit fluffy and romantic, but...*shrugs*. I'm in that kind of mood :) x_

* * *

'Well, it looks like I'm going to be joining you'.

Hanssen's voice came through from the bedroom, and Serena spat out her mouthful of toothpaste and poked her head around the bathroom door, toothbrush still in hand.

'Fredrik busy?'

'He has meetings with his new supervisors, apparently. I've arranged to see him again when we get back from the cabin'.

Serena nodded, and an impish smile crossed her face.

'So you're coming shopping with me, then?'

Hanssen blinked.

'I suppose so'.

He didn't look too sure about the idea, and Serena couldn't resist teasing him a little bit. She doubted he had been shopping with a woman for a very long time, if ever.

'Well, I want to get something for Eleanor. And Maja was saying there's a very good department store in the centre of town. I need a new bra'.

He swallowed.

'I could just stay here and catch up on some work while you go, and meet you later for lunch'.

Serena's eyes twinkled cheekily.

'No, a second opinion in the lingerie department might be good. Since you're the only one apart from me who sees them'.

He blushed, his cheeks turning a faint pink that actually quite suited him, and she laughed.

'I'm joking. But Eleanor could do with some new clothes, I was thinking of getting her a couple of tops if I can find something suitable'.

She turned away for a moment to put her toothbrush back by the sink, and headed back to the bedroom. Hanssen was already dressed, and Serena thought that she had never known a man to take so little time over his appearance and yet turn out as smart. She sighed as she contemplated the contents of her suitcase again, thinking that maybe she should get some things for herself as well. Eleanor wasn't the only one who needed new clothes, and suddenly everything in the case seemed worn and tired.

'That one always looks nice'.

She turned to see Hanssen pointing at a deep purple jumper. It was one of her favourites but she had worn it a lot lately, simply because it was warm without being heavy and she knew the colour suited her. She reluctantly picked it out of the case – she had never bothered to unpack properly – and grabbed a pair of loose black trousers to go with it.

'I take it we'll be shopping for you as well?'

Hanssen had a wry smile on his face, and Serena nodded with a rueful expression as she gazed at the jumper.

'What time are we picking up the hire car?'

She knew that he had arranged yesterday to hire a car from the Europcar depot at the central train station, since public transport out to Lake Nyckelsjön was almost non-existent. She found that she was looking forward to going to the cabin; the past couple of days had been draining for both of them, and she wanted some time to pull herself round. Hanssen had told her that almost every Swedish family retreated to a summer cabin at weekends when the weather was good enough and, she thought, they had the right idea.

'Three o'clock. It should take about an hour to get there'.

Serena checked her watch that was lying on the bedside table, and saw that it was now nine thirty.

'Okay'.

She slipped off the bathrobe she was wearing, aware of Hanssen's eyes on her and feeling slightly self-conscious. She still hadn't quite got used to someone openly appreciating her body as well as her mind, and wasn't sure she ever would. As she dressed and pulled the jumper over her head, she caught his small, reassuring smile and wondered how it was that, somehow, he seemed to know exactly what she was thinking.

He moved to stand beside her, picking up her watch and reaching for her arm, and she smiled as he rolled up her sleeve and fastened it carefully around her wrist. It wasn't so long ago, she remembered, that she had accused him of being the coldest, most aloof man she had ever met. It was the little moments of gentle care such as this that always reminded her how wrong she had been. Not to mention the fact that he was voluntarily coming shopping with her.

It seemed he still had the ability to take her by surprise.

* * *

'Here, hold this'.

Serena thrust the three bags she was already carrying at Hanssen, and rifled through the rack of dark blue silk blouses until she found one in her size. Holding it up against herself, she turned to look in the full-length mirror that was attached to a pillar and furrowed her brow critically.

'What do you think?'

There was no reply, and Serena rolled her eyes as she saw that Hanssen had wandered off towards the nearby accessories section. Turning back to the mirror, she gazed at her reflection for a moment. The blouse felt beautiful, and the colour looked good against her dark hair. The price tag, though, was making her feel guilty even looking at it. Deciding that she would keep hold of it for the moment and look around a bit more, she started to browse through the cardigans and jumpers. Even though it was now officially summer, the boundless, year on year optimism of the local weather reporters for a 'Holby Heatwave' always ended up being totally misplaced, and she had no doubt that this year would be exactly the same.

'Have you found anything?'

Hanssen's voice by her shoulder made her jump.

'Why, are you getting bored?'

She grinned up at him, a teasing look in her eyes. He had actually been very patient, taking her to one store after another and never hurrying her along as she gradually picked up three tops and a scarf for Eleanor and a pair of ridiculously high heels for herself that she wasn't sure she would ever wear, but that made her feel good just looking at them. She was still amazed that he had not tried to talk her out of it. He obviously knew better by now.

'Not at all'.

Serena held up the blouse.

'It's a bit expensive'. She caught him glancing at the label. 'Actually, very expensive. I'm thinking about it'.

'Get it now if you like it. You won't be able to change your mind and come back and get it next week'.

She raised her eyebrows.

'You're actively encouraging me to spend the equivalent of a hundred and twenty pounds on one blouse?'

'Why not?'

She couldn't help laughing.

'You are full of surprises'. She caught his slightly confused look and began to explain, still smiling. 'First you agree to come shopping with me in the first place, then you wait patiently while I go through practically everything in the shop. You show some sort of interest in what I'm buying, and then you tell me to buy even more. Most men would have left for the nearest bar by now. Or done something else in the first place'.

He shrugged, smiling himself now.

'I like being with you. Even if that means my credit card will inevitably take a battering at some point'.

It was Serena's turn to look slightly confused, and Hanssen reached out and took the blouse from her hands.

'Decision made. Now, I found something I want to show you'.

Serena shook her head in amazement, but obediently followed him through the jumpers to the accessories and the glass counters of jewelry. It looked like he was heading towards the gloves, but he stopped by a display case filled with necklaces and pointed.

Serena's eyes followed the direction of his finger and landed on a delicate gold chain with two small, solid gold charms hanging from it, a teardrop and a heart. It was plain, simple, and beautiful, and she gazed at it for a moment, thinking that it was one of the most perfect pieces she had seen.

'It's beautiful'.

'Kan jag hjälpa er?'

The sales assistant had seen them looking and had come over to see if they needed any help, but smiled and switched to English as she saw Serena's uncertain look.

'Would you like to try it on?'

Serena was so busy looking at the necklace that she didn't see Hanssen nod.

'Here'.

The assistant, her shirt embroidered with the designer's logo and name – Efva Attling - reached in and plucked the necklace from its holder, lifting it out and undoing the clasp. Serena noticed the light catching on the charms, bringing out hints and flecks of a lighter shade of gold and making them almost sparkle. She looked worriedly up at Hanssen, who smiled as the woman carefully fastened it around Serena's neck.

'Beautiful', she declared, indicating a small mirror set on the counter top so that Serena could see for herself.

It was heavier than she expected, and she realised that it was pure gold. She loved it. The charms looked just as good against her skin as they had done in the case, and the simple style suited her perfectly. But there was no way she was going to let him buy her this as well.

'It is lovely', she conceded. 'But…..'

The reflection in the mirror showed that Hanssen had put down the bags and the blouse he had been carrying and was standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders. He leaned down to speak in her ear.

'No buts'.

She turned around to face him.

'But….'

He raised his eyebrows and she stopped, smiling.

'It looks beautiful, Serena'. He paused, fingering the tiny charms. 'And these seem very appropriate for now. We can always add more later'.

_We? Later?_

A flood of warmth spread from Serena's chest, where her heart was beginning to beat a little bit faster, down to her tummy where it settled happily as the assistant asked her if she would like to keep it on or have it boxed. Somewhat dazed, she replied that yes, she would keep it on, and a slow smile spread across her face as she felt the weight of it around her neck.

She doubted that she would be taking it off at all.

* * *

Two hours later, she was still feeling a bit like she was up in the clouds as Hanssen finished signing the paperwork for the rental car and walked back to where she was waiting near the door to the Europcar office, keys in hand.

'All sorted?'

He nodded.

'There's a couple of small towns on the way where we can get some food shopping. I'd rather get out of Stockholm now, though, before the rush hour'.

Serena hadn't seen much of a rush hour in the city so far, but she didn't say anything as she followed him out to the small car parked on the office forecourt. As he lifted their cases into the boot, she indicated the keys.

'Would you like me to drive?'

He looked over at her, trying to suppress a smile.

'I don't think so. When was the last time you drove on the other side of the road?'

'They drive on the wrong side in the States as well, you know'.

'You haven't been back to the States for years, Serena. And besides, I know where I'm going'.

She had to admit he had a point, and settled herself in the passenger side as he adjusted the driver's seat to accommodate his long legs. Taking off her coat and putting it behind her, on the back seat, she felt the charms move against her collarbone and smiled again. She often wore necklaces, but this one felt somehow….different.

'I'm not sure that was a good idea after all'. Hanssen reached up and moved the rearview mirror slightly, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. 'You've been in a daze ever since you put it on'.

'Can you blame me?'

Hanssen didn't reply, concentrating on the traffic as they pulled out of the station and onto the main road that would take them out of the city towards the west. They were through Marieberg and onto the E4 motorway, heading across yet another bridge towards Lilla Essingen – or so the sign said – before Serena spoke again.

'No one's ever bought me jewelry before'.

Despite the fact that he was driving, Hanssen looked at her briefly in surprise before turning his attention back to the road.

'Really?'

'Really', Serena confirmed.

'But your husband must have done'.

She laughed.

'I never had an engagement ring, and my wedding ring was my grandmother's. So no, he didn't. He had terrible taste in that kind of thing anyway'.

'I didn't think you could go wrong with a wedding ring'.

'Oh believe me, there are some horrors out there. And he would have picked one'. Serena paused. 'No one else ever got to the jewelry-buying stage'.

Hanssen cast a shrewd glance at her.

'Was that because they didn't want to, or was it because you scared them off?'

'Probably a bit of both'. She smiled at her own admission. The few relationships she had attempted after her marriage had not been particularly successful, and in the end she had given up altogether.

'Why did you marry him?'

Serena was surprised by the question, but realised that it was probably natural for Hanssen to wonder. She never talked about her ex-husband except in derogatory terms, although she did try to tone it down in front of Eleanor. And she didn't mind talking to him about it. She just wasn't sure what to say.

'I honestly don't know', she replied at last. 'We'd been seeing each other a while, we were both successful career-wise. It just seemed like a natural progression. He never actually proposed. It was more a case of 'maybe we should get married', and I agreed'.

'Very romantic'.

The sarcasm in Hanssen's voice was gentle, but there nonetheless, and she laughed.

'Oh, he could do romantic when he wanted to. I think by then, though, we were both a bit past it. We should have split up instead of getting married'.

They lapsed into silence for a while, and Serena turned to look out of the window at the landscape rolling past. The traffic was lighter now that they had left the city behind, and she had to lower her visor against the bright light of the afternoon sun as a bend in the road took them due west. Pine forest was interspersed with farms and cleared land for crops and livestock, and although it was nothing spectacular, she found it relaxing to watch. She was almost disappointed when more and more buildings started appearing at the side of the road, and Hanssen indicated to turn off left and into a small supermarket car park.

'I don't know how much Maja left at the cabin'. He pulled into a space and switched off the engine, turning to face her. 'I'll just get a few things'.

'OK'. Serena smiled as she unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over to get her coat from the back seat. As she climbed out of the car and slammed the door, she almost missed what Hanssen said next. Almost.

'I suppose today was a first for me as well'.

She looked at him in amazement, and saw that he was being totally serious as he locked the car and walked around to her side. She smiled and slipped her hand into his.

'Then I think we should celebrate'.


	7. Chapter 7

_This had gone beyond fluffy - we're straying into downright romantic territory here, which I don't normally do. Especially with these two. It's making me nervous...I'm beginning to think I should never have let them come to this cabin. Anyway, too late for that now! This is more of an 'interlude' chapter. Let me know what you think :). _

* * *

Serena slowly awoke, consciousness battling with sleep as she turned over and found the other side of the bed empty. Half opening her eyes, she realised that it was still dark and, through the open curtains, she could see a sliver of a crescent moon and stars thrown like dust across the sky, illuminating the tall figure standing by the window. She raised herself up on one elbow, pushing her hair out of her eyes as she blinked some of the sleep away.

'Henrik?'

He turned, a tender smile crossing his face as he saw that she had woken up.

'I didn't mean to disturb you'.

'You didn't'. Serena's voice was husky as she reached out her free hand. 'Come back to bed?'

He took her hand as he sat back down on the empty side of the bed, and she felt his arm around her back as he lay down next to her, drawing her in close. She sighed and closed her eyes again, her head snuggled on his chest and her arm across his stomach.

'Don't leave', she murmured.

He stroked her hair, his hand soothing her back towards sleep.

'I wasn't going anywhere, Serena'.

'Hmm. Kiss?'

She felt him chuckle quietly at her sleepy demand, and his hand moved from her hair to her face as he found her lips with his. His body was warm against hers, his kiss intense but gentle, and she moaned softly and cuddled in closer as he moved away slightly onto his pillow. As his fingers moved back to stroke through her hair, she felt herself drifting, now more asleep than awake, and she wasn't really aware of what she was saying as she mumbled softly into his chest.

'Love you'.

His hand paused for the briefest of moments before she felt his lips press on the top of her head and his arms tighten around her. His whispered words carried her back under, into sleep.

'I love you, Serena'.

* * *

When Serena woke again, it was to sunlight streaming in through the window and the faint sound of water lapping on rocks, and it took her a moment to remember where she was. It was quiet, peaceful. She felt more rested than she had done for a long time. As she opened her eyes and blinked in the light, she saw Hanssen smiling down at her as he set a cup of coffee on the bedside table before sitting down on the edge of the bed. Serena smiled sleepily back as she shifted over to make room for him, and almost purred as he leaned over to kiss her on the forehead.

'Good morning'.

'Hmmmm'. She stretched luxuriously before sitting up and reaching for the coffee, looking around at the simple wooden walls and furniture of the bedroom and out of the open window to the trees and lake beyond. No wonder she felt at peace here. It was beautiful.

As Serena sipped the coffee, she became aware of Hanssen's gaze, and a flash of memory suddenly came back to her. Of him standing by that window, of a moon and maybe a kiss, and...maybe she had dreamt it. She looked up at him, a quizzical expression on her face.

'Did you get up in the night?'

He nodded.

'I didn't mean to wake you'.

He had said that in the night as well. Did that mean she hadn't dreamt the rest of it either?

'And you kissed me?'

Hanssen nodded again, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

'You asked me to'.

'Hmmm'.

Serena drank some more coffee as she tried to think of how to ask, without sounding too panicky, whether she had really told him that she loved him. And whether she had imagined – or dreamt - him telling her he loved her too. She looked back up at him.

'Did I...?'

Hanssen looked as if he was going to tease her a bit longer, but then took pity on her and nodded.

'Yes, I believe your exact words were 'Love you'. Although you were half asleep, so I won't hold you to them if you don't want to'.

Serena swallowed.

'And you...?'

'Replied with the same. I, however, was wide awake and therefore have no excuse'.

'Do you want one?' Her words were soft, barely audible even to herself, but her voice grew slightly stronger as she carried on speaking, a smile playing around her lips. 'Because if you do, I'll lend you mine. I don't really need it'.

Hanssen returned her smile and, not for the first time, she thought that it really did transform his face. It made him seem almost younger. More alive. And genuinely happy. She wondered why he didn't do it more often.

'I don't think I need it either'. He paused to let his words sink in. 'So maybe we should save it for another time'.

Serena didn't think she would ever understand why he loved her, but she found herself believing him anyway, and, nodding slowly, she sipped her coffee and tried not to grin like an idiot. From the amused look on Hanssen's face, though, she wasn't succeeding very well.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of the lake and the trees outside drifting in through the open window. It was so relaxing, such a change from the usual noises of traffic and people, that Serena leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes again, just letting it wash over her. For the first time in what felt like years, she felt completely calm.

Her eyes flicked open again as she felt her mug being taken from her hands, and she watched as Hanssen put it back down on the bedside table.

'You'll spill it if you fall asleep again'.

Always the practical one, Serena thought.

'I wasn't going back to sleep. Just...'

'Relaxing?'

'Yes'.

'Good'.

She resisted the urge to say something about a pot and a kettle going on holiday, and instead pulled the bedspread further up towards her chin as she looked around her properly. The wooden cabin was small, but well equipped and beautifully furnished. Colourful curtains and throws gave the place a slightly folksy feel, and the cushions and quilts in the bedroom were some of the prettiest – and most comfortable – that Serena had ever found. She made a mental note to ask Maja where they were from when they returned to Stockholm.

'Are you cold with that window open?'

She looked back at Hanssen, who had seen her pull the bedspread up, and shook her head. He reached out a hand and traced the line of her collarbone with his finger, down towards the gold charms that still hung around her neck. She hadn't even taken the necklace off to go to bed.

'You said something strange in the night'.

His brow furrowed slightly as he spoke, his fingers still playing lightly with the heart charm, and Serena raised her eyebrows.

'Stranger than telling you I love you, you mean?'

'Very funny'. He suppressed a smile as he dropped his hand back onto his lap. 'You asked me not to leave. Did you think I was going somewhere?'

'Well, you were standing by an open window in the middle of the night'. Serena smirked as she sipped her coffee. 'I thought you might have changed your mind and be making an escape'.

Hanssen looked genuinely puzzled.

'Changed my mind about what?'

'Me, of course. Or being here with me. Or both'.

The puzzled look was replaced by two raised eyebrows and an amazed stare, but Serena didn't see it. She was busy drinking the last of her coffee and inspecting the label that she had found on the underside of the quilt.

'Is this a shop, or the designer?'

'What? Oh, that...the shop'. Hanssen shook his head at the change of subject. 'You know, you really are a...'

He paused, obviously searching for a suitable word to describe the woman in front of him, but the perfect one seemed to elude him for a good minute.

'A what?'

'A...'

'Spit it out, Henrik'.

'I don't know'. He gave up – for the moment. 'But I promise you I was not planning any kind of escape. Not unless you're coming with me, that is'.

Serena chuckled.

'Was that a invitation, Mr Hanssen?'

'Yes, one to bear in mind for a future date'.

Serena laughed. She believed him. She really did. And she wasn't about to further complicate this trip with her own insecurities and slightly irrational fears. They were hers to work on, although she knew Hanssen would probably never realise how far she had come already. And she knew that, when he had struggled for the right word, he had simply been too polite to call her a bloody idiot.

'But since we're not escaping anywhere just yet, would you like some breakfast and a walk?'

Serena nodded, pushing back the quilt and trying to swing her legs over the bed, but finding her way blocked by Hanssen still sitting next to her.

'I'll make breakfast. You cooked last night'. She paused as she saw he showed no sign of moving. 'If you're going to let me get up, that is?'

'Maybe'. He considered for a moment before leaning slightly towards her.

'Or maybe not'.


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter! I was having trouble getting Serena and Hanssen away from the cabin - I knew it was a mistake to let them go there in the first place...but hopefully this will give them a push in the right direction :). Hope you enjoy x_

* * *

Serena shivered slightly in the cool evening air, and pulled the jumper she was wearing more closely around her. It was actually Hanssen's jumper, not hers, and when she stood up it reached halfway down to her knees…..but it was warm and comfortable. And they weren't going anywhere.

The peaceful feeling that she had woken up with that morning had lasted all day, and she still felt it as she sat on the small wooden terrace outside the cabin, an empty wine glass in front of her and two citronella candles burning brightly to keep any small biting creatures away. Her legs hurt slightly from the long walk they had taken that day, but it was a pleasant ache, not like the one she got after a day on the wards at Holby. _The wards….._sitting here, she found it difficult even to picture them in her mind. She had been away with Hanssen for less than a week, and already she was more relaxed than she had been in years. It was certainly not what she had expected when she had agreed to this little trip.

She smiled as she heard Hanssen moving around inside. Immediately behind her, through the open French doors, was the small living room that had spectacular views over the water, and beyond that was

the kitchen at the front of the cabin. She suspected that's where he was. He had disappeared twenty minutes ago, saying something about hot chocolate, but had not emerged yet. Even the most complicated, opulent hot chocolate didn't take twenty minutes to make, and Serena smirked as she stood up to go and see what milky disasters had occurred while she had been daydreaming by the lake.

Wandering through the living room, she was surprised to hear Hanssen's voice coming from the kitchen. At first she thought he was talking on his mobile, but then realised that he was speaking in English, not Swedish. And it didn't sound like the sort of conversation he would be having if there was an emergency at the hospital.

'No, no chocolate. There's none left. And it would be very bad for you. We must see if we can return you in the morning, you must belong somewhere around…..'

He broke off as Serena pushed open the door, and smiled a little sheepishly at her.

'We have a visitor'.

She raised her eyebrows.

'So I see'.

A large black and white cat had made itself at home in one corner of the kitchen, slurping milk noisily from a bowl that Hanssen had put down and eyeing the pan of hot chocolate that was simmering on the stove. It wasn't the prettiest thing Serena had ever seen, with a fluffy, slightly squashed face and fat paws, but it did at least look clean and well cared for, and when it finished the milk and started to clean its face, she had to admit it did look sort of….cute.

'Did I hear that there's no chocolate left?'

Hanssen nodded.

'But the hot chocolate will be very…..'

He paused to try and small spoonful, and grimaced as he burnt his tongue.

'Chocolatey?'

He nodded.

Serena leaned against the door, pushing the sleeves of the jumper back so that they weren't falling over her hands, and watched Hanssen with amusement.

'I thought you were talking to yourself then.'

He looked at her with mild surprise.

'Of course not. I haven't reached that stage of madness yet'. He turned back to the pan. 'I was talking to Olaf'.

'Olaf?'

She spluttered with laughter as Hanssen indicated the cat, now sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor and eyeing Serena balefully, as if it blamed her for the lack of chocolate. To be fair, she thought as she tried to stop the giggles, it probably had a point.

'I didn't put you down as a cat kind of person'.

'Really?' He turned the stove ring off, and reached up in the cupboard for two mugs. 'And why is that?'

'Don't know'. Serena considered for a moment. Hanssen had never seemed the kind to go in for pets of any sort. He didn't even have a fish tank.

'You have bonsai instead', she finally offered.

He raised an eyebrow, suppressing a smile as he handed her a steaming mug.

'Bonsai and cats aren't so different. Both require certain amounts of care and attention, otherwise they throw a tempter tantrum'.

'Hmm'. Serena sniffed at the mug appreciatively as she followed Hanssen back out to the terrace. The cat elected to stay in the kitchen, and Serena knew that when they moved back inside later, they would find it on the stovetop licking out the saucepan.

'Please tell me that doesn't mean you talk to your bonsai'.

'Of course'.

Serena shook her head, trying not to laugh as she sat back down and blew on her drink.

'She happens to be a very good listener…..and she never answers back. Unlike some people'.

Serena ignored the teasing jibe and looked over at him, a questioning look on her face.

'She? You mean it has a name?'

'Well, you can't talk to something and not give it a name'.

He went a little pink as he said it, and Serena bit her bottom lip to try and stop herself bursting into more giggles. But the idea of Hanssen having a one-sided conversation with the miniature tree that sat on his desk was almost too much to imagine.

'Doris?'

He looked slightly affronted.

'I would never call a bonsai Doris. A guinea pig maybe. But not a bonsai'.

Serena just raised her eyebrows and waited, a smirk on her face.

'Hilda'.

It wasn't the most ladylike thing she had ever done, but Serena couldn't help snorting into her chocolate, and the look of resignation on Hanssen's face only made it worse. She had to put her mug on the small table and squeeze her eyes tight shut as she fought the howl of laughter that threatened to escape, but, as usual, she didn't have much success. When she finally managed to open her eyes again, she saw that it must have been infectious, because Hanssen was trying not to laugh himself – although that was probably at her efforts rather than his christening of the bonsai.

Once the laughter had subsided, they sat quietly, drinking the chocolate – which was, as Hanssen had promised, very chocolatey – and looking out over the lake as the daylight eventually faded to a dusky purple. Serena couldn't believe that this time tomorrow they would be on a plane heading home…in fact, she found she didn't want to think about it. A week ago, she had been dreading this. She had expected things to be awkward and difficult, expected to be lonely and to be counting the days until it was time to return to some kind of normality. But it had not been like that. Maja and Nils – and Fredrik, judging from the little she had seen of him – had been open and welcoming. Instead of being lonely, she felt she had grown closer to Henrik than she would ever have thought possible. And she found that, now that she had had a taste of something different, she didn't want normality.

'I don't want to go home'.

Hanssen looked over at her, his face betraying his surprise and pleasure at the realisation that she had fallen in love with his homeland as well as him.

'We can come back'.

She smiled.

'I know'.

There was a pause before Hanssen gestured to the decking by Serena's chair.

'I think Olaf wants a seat'.

Serena looked down to see the cat sat by her feet, licking its lips clean of any tell-tale chocolate as it gazed up at her. Reluctantly, she uncrossed her legs and it immediately jumped up, turned in a circle twice, and flopped down with its head between its paws on her stomach.

'Make yourself comfortable, why don't you'.

Hanssen smiled.

'I don't blame him'.

She shook her head.

'At least it's your jumper that's getting covered in hairs'.

Before he could reply, a sharp buzz from inside the living room made them both jump, and Hanssen looked puzzled as he got up to rescue his vibrating mobile from the table inside. She half expected him not to answer it, but when he did – and moved further back into the kitchen as he did so – she looked down at Olaf and spoke quietly.

'Why do I not like the sound of this, hmmm?"

Unsurprisingly, Olaf had little wisdom to offer, but simply looked up at her with startlingly green eyes before yawning and blinking. Serena shook her head.

'You're not much use. I thought cats were supposed to be clever?'

She couldn't make out anything that Hanssen was saying, but after a few minutes it sounded as if he had switched from English to Swedish. Maybe, she thought, that was the problem with the cat.

'I guess Swedish cats don't understand much English. But can you at least tell me what's going on in there now?'

Olaf put his head back down on his paws and closed his eyes.

Serena took that as a sign that perhaps she didn't want to know what Hanssen's conversation was about, and she sighed, looking back out over the lake. It was now about as dark as it would get, but she was no longer cold. The chocolate had warmed her up, and the cat was like a hot water bottle. She didn't even want to move, never mind think about going back to Stockholm.

'That was Cunningham'.

Hanssen had reappeared on the terrace, but he didn't sit down. Instead, he leaned his tall frame against the door, still holding the mobile in his hand, his expression inscrutable. Serena groaned.

'What's happened?'

Serena twisted round as far as she could without pushing the cat off her knees, and reached out a hand, inviting Hanssen to come closer.

'It seems that a patient who was admitted to AAU yesterday has a fairly high-profile relative, and he has decided to make a complaint about the treatment they received'.

'What?'

Serena turned properly to face him and Olaf fell off her lap, landing on his feet with an indignant yelp. But she wasn't paying him any attention as he glared at her before stalking off to the kitchen to find some more chocolate. Instead, all her focus was now on Hanssen.

'Who?'

Hanssen sighed, and sat down.

'The local MP. His daughter was admitted, with what turned out to be nothing more than a bad case of food poisoning. But it seems he was...well, rather pushy about her treatment. And Mr Spence is not known for his diplomatic skills when it comes to that kind of thing'.

'Oh shit'.

'Couldn't have put it better myself'. Hanssen paused. 'Cunningham felt it warranted an emergency board meeting to try and minimise any damage. He wanted to know if we could get back in time'.

'For when?'

'Tomorrow afternoon'.

'And can we?'

Hanssen nodded.

'I am going to kill him',Serena muttered, her expression venomous.

'Who, Mr Spence or Mr Cunningham?'

'Either. Both'.

'Well, please do it discreetly. One media frenzy is enough for one week'.

Another pause.

'I've cancelled my meeting with Fredrik. And the plane tickets are open anyway. There's a flight late morning'.

Serena grimaced, and Hanssen squeezed her hand.

Normality – or rather a horrible reminder of reality – had just intruded in a very big way.


End file.
